id: nvc-feelings-and-needs-dialogue
title: NVC Feelings and Needs Dialogue
description: >-
  The second and third steps of Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent
  Communication — identifying feelings and the underlying needs that drive
  them. Used to move from observation to connection without blame.
source: Center for Nonviolent Communication
source_url: https://www.cnvc.org/
tags: [nvc, communication, feelings, needs, conflict]
forked_from: null
image: null
steps:
  - headline: Name the feeling
    description: >-
      The speaker identifies and names what they feel in response to the
      observation: "I felt hurt and anxious..." rather than "I felt you
      were wrong."
  - headline: Name the need
    description: >-
      The speaker identifies the need underlying the feeling, not the
      other person's behaviour: "...because I have a need for respect and
      for predictability in our agreements."
  - headline: Check the need
    description: >-
      The listener reflects the need back and asks if they have understood,
      without agreeing or disagreeing.
  - headline: Repeat for the other
    description: >-
      The other person now identifies their own feelings and needs in the
      same form, building a shared picture of what each is needing.
outcome: >-
  Both parties articulate the needs at stake, moving from positions to the
  universal needs that can be met in many ways.
practice: >-
  Feelings are not judgements — "I feel ignored" is often a thought about
  the other. "I feel lonely" is a feeling. Needs are universal —
  "respect," "safety," "contribution" — not strategies.